Again Abraham bowed down before the people of the land and he said to Ephron in their hearing, “Listen to me, if you will. I will pay the price of the field. Accept it from me so I can bury my dead there.” Genesis 23:12-13 NIV
I have just started reading Lupton's book Toxic Charity. In the book, Lupton reveals the shockingly toxic effects that modern charity has upon the very people meant to benefit from it. As a church we are trying to figure out how to best help with the growing food poverty problem in our community. We host a Free Community Dinner every month and have begun hosting Gleaner's Mobile Food Pantry each month as well, but the question that keeps coming back is: Are we helping?
Someone recently reported a conversation they had with someone at our food distribution event:
Food Recipient: Thanks so much for doing this. It is hard to keep food on the table.
Church Member: I can only imagine how tough that is. You should come to our free monthly dinner.
Food Recipient: Oh that, I've been before.
Church Member: Great. Look forward to having you come back.
Food Recipient: Oh we won't come back. We didn't care for the food.
Here is the problem: The giver can be left thinking the gift was enough without thought as to the receiver's experience and the receiver with no 'skin' in the game can often be left with no dignity or self-respect. I can't really blame them for how they feel - I like the food. And while we might struggle with the idea that anyone would complain when something is free - I think that is the point. When something is free, you really have no ownership. There is no ownership from the giver or the receiver.
I think that Abraham understood that in the reading for today. While the offer to provide a burial space for his wife was genuine and generous, Abraham wanted to own the space. Ownership is needed.
And all of this speaks to the perspective of charity. Why are we doing or giving? To make ourselves feel better or to actually help the people receiving the gifts?
President Kennedy understood that in part when he said, "Ask not what my country can do for me?, but what I can do for my country?"
Is it possible that in an effort to transform the world through acts of kindness we have actually hurt it?
How might we be changed by the idea of ownership in our charitable actions - the ownership of both the giver and the receiver?
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