Plan B: The Value of Others

When life brings us a detour, we often are left feeling like we are traveling the road all alone.  In our loneliness we are left wondering does anyone care?  As Christians we know that God is with us, but in these moments of loneliness we would much prefer God be made of flesh and blood.  Noted author Anne LaMott has said, “one of the most powerful sermons an individual can preach consists of primarily two words: me too.”

When you are struggling along in life on a detour of life – a Plan B circumstance – when you are dealing with unmet expectations – when you are hurting, doubting, questioning – there may be nothing more healing than someone who can come along side you and say, “I know what you’re going through – me too!”

When someone is able to speak those words to you … you know they aren’t going to judge you or look down on you or lecture you.  You know that they get it.  Truth is they really don’t need to say anything – their presence is like a healing balm on your pain.  It is amazing how deep a connection can be found with another person when you share a common struggle.

Our need for community takes us to the story of Naomi found in the book of Ruth. This story is for people who wonder where God is when things don’t go as planned.  It is a book for people when tragedy after tragedy seemingly assaults their lives. It is also a book about the subtle ways God works in our lives.

The story begins subtly as we learn the names of a family living in Moab during the time of the Judges and particularly the matriarch - Naomi.  There is already a struggle for her – a detour – there is a famine in the land (Ruth 1:1).  Today we might think of that as an economic depression. The famine would have resulted in the loss of everything – livestock, possessions, even the ability to provide income.  On top of that her husband dies.  She was now alone.  Thankfully she had two sons who could help provide for her.

That is important to note because in the ancient world there was nothing worse than being a widow.  They were almost always poverty stricken.  God’s law provided that the nearest male relative of the dead husband should care for the widow so Naomi relied on her sons.

Over the next many years, Naomi and her two boys learn to overcome the hardship.  The boys grow up, marry, and life returns to a new Plan A.  Once again, the unthinkable happens and both her sons get sick and die.  Naomi is now destined to a life of begging and poverty.  It is not hard to imagine the cries of Naomi: “Why me? Why now? How could this happen? With all I have been through already, why this? Why now?”  The pain and anguish felt by Naomi are revealed in her own words: 

“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.”  Ruth 1:20-21NIV 

It’s easy for us to relate to Naomi.  We have all been in that self-pity mode at one time or another.  We understand how she feels.  As we read her story, there is a part of us that wants to reach into the story and say, “me too!”

With no means of support and no known living male relatives, Naomi decides to return to her homeland of Judah (Ruth 1:6a ). Why? “Because she had heard that the LORD had paid attention to his people there by providing food for them” (Ruth 1:6b).  Naomi is desperate and is trying to find some bit of hope to keep her going. As Naomi prepares to leave, she says good-bye to her daughter-in-laws.  They want to go, but they are instead rebuked with words of self-pity and bitterness: 

Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!”  Ruth 1:11-13 NIV 

But then Ruth speaks up … “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”  Ruth 1:16-17NIV 

In these words from Ruth, we discover the first signs of hope in the entire story.  In the darkest moment of life for Naomi, when all hope is seemingly lost, God provides Ruth who steps in and says, “me too.”  Naomi needed that – We need that. 

Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”  

Romans 15:1-2 The Message 

The kind of community described in Romans is indispensable when your life is falling apart.  Many of you know all about community because you have experienced it!  You have been blessed by the “me too” of community.  Many of you are still searching for it.

I have witnessed countless people go through Plan Bs in their lives.  One of the most important factors for people in their ability to trust God in the midst of the detour is the group of people the surround themselves with.  When you are separated from the faith community, you tend to think the worst.  When you are separated from the faith community, your hope can quickly give way to despair.  The only thing worse than a ‘Plan B’ in life is a ‘Plan B life’ without a faith-filled community.

If you are tempted to run from church to cover up your hurt or your pain – I understand. My hope is that you won’t. Too often we assume that nothing good can come from our pain – don’t do that.  Don’t allow the pain of your disappointment keep you from embracing the gift of community.  Don’t let your disappointment keep you from hearing or sharing the words, “me too.”

Take the risk of sharing the real you – the authentic you.  Trust that God will provide the community of people that can come along side you and say, ‘me too’.  You might even discover the power of saying the words ‘me too’ to someone else.  The benefits of community will always come after you take the risk of opening your life to others.

It’s really your choice.

You can continue to hide the pain and can grow bitter and lonely, feeling as if you are all alone in the midst of your Plan B or you can open your eyes like Naomi eventually did.  (Read the rest of the story) and begin to trust God and those around you.  As you begin to trust those around you, maybe you will discover someone speaking those healing words, “me too.”

Maybe it will be you.