One of my all-time favorite foursomes - - - My Dad, me, Carl Erskine, and Bill Bane. I enjoy playing with my Dad. I always want him on my team. I am honest enough to admit that he is not the best golfer, but I like rooting for him when he is on my team. 'Cause let's face it, I am going to be rooting for him whether he is on my team or not. That's just the way it is - I always root for my Dad and he always roots for me!
I always “root for you” is the kind of commitment you find in the best families. It’s a commitment that always seeks the best for our spouses, children and parents. It is always seeking a way that they can succeed. Always wanting them to get ahead and win at life. And that’s the kind of commitment God wants His people’s families to have for each other. I am not sure who first said, “Family should come first,” but whoever said it could not have had it more wrong. Here me again – Family does not nor should it come first!
I looked, but could not find any Bible teaching that stated we should put our family first! In fact Jesus Himself taught us that we dare not do that. Matthew 10:37 Jesus said, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me”
Now after three weeks of talking about families and celebrating families, you might be thinking, “Wait a minute, I thought the church would be a great place to raise my children. I thought it would be a great place to strengthen my family. I thought if I went to church, I’d have a stronger marriage.” The answer is “yes it is,” but not if your first commitment is to your family. You will have the kind of stronger family you want only if your commitment is to God first. Why would that be? Well… this is how it works:
God knows that WHO you are committed to will determine WHO sets the rules.
What then is our position in relationship to our family?
In Deuteronomy 6, God says to Israel: If you want your families to succeed in life… if you’re committed to your household – then here’s what you have to do:
“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you— a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant— then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name.” Deuteronomy 6:4-13
Psalm 37:5-6: “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.” In other words: You put God first… God will put you first.
This then is a formula for success in your family:
1) Put God first in your family.
2) Put God first in what you teach your children
3) Put God first in how you live your life
Here’s the problem, it is a firm principle that if you and I put our families first… sooner or later, God will come second.
When I put God first, then my family will benefit because God will set the rules on how I should treat my family:
Ephesians 5:33 Husbands are told we “must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"— which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
And Fathers are told, “do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” in Ephesians 6:4.
Notice . . . all these are commands from the Lord. Now, we may not always want to do these things, but even if we don’t want to do them - if God is our 1st priority, if we’re committed to pleasing God above all else in life - then we will seek to follow them because this is what God wants us to do.
If I’m committed to my family first… then if they’re not happy . . . I won’t obey God
If I’m committed to my family first, then I’ll do what I THINK is right rather than what God commands. This is an important distinction. Why? Because we are great at rationalizing our behavior.
There are people who believe the concept of “God helps those who help themselves.” That is a not a Biblical doctrine. God never said that. God does not help those who help themselves, but rather God helps those who honor Him and put Him first in their lives.
I know that we all are doing our best to provide the very best for our families:
We do everything in our power to see that our children have the best education. We do everything in our power to see that our children have the best health care. We do everything in our power to see that our children have the best opportunities. If it’s within our power, we want them to have the financial help they need to get ahead.
If it’s within OUR power, do you here how limiting that it is? Many families will do much of what they do “within their OWN power.” And by extension, they teach their children to rely upon their OWN power.
One day a small boy tried to lift a heavy stone, but couldn’t budge it.
His father, watching him, finally said, “Are you using all your strength?”
“Yes, I am!” cried the boy.
“No, you’re not,” said the father. “You haven’t asked me to help you.”
What I believe God is saying in Deut. 6 is teach your kids to seek God in times of need. How do you do that?
You teach them this by helping them to remember that God helped YOU in the past. If you and I make it a constant part of our lives to remember and talk about what God has done for us in the past (when we have been faced difficulties and obstacles in our lives) we will be more inclined to look to God for help when we encounter problems a 2nd and 3rd and 4th time in our life.
And if that’s true in our lives… then our kids will be more inclined to look to God when life gets difficult for them. This type of mindset should almost be “missionary” for us. We should be as consumed with this as we are with any other aspect of life we consider vital to the health of our family:
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth!” “Wash behind your ears!”
“ Do your homework” “Turn down the music!”
“Slow Down your eating to fast” “Say, Thank you!”
“Be nice to your sister/brother/cousin”
Your children have heard all these things over and over, but have they heard about your faith?
We should deliberately pursue teaching our family about God’s power in our lives. Deuteronomy 6 tells us we need to teach our children/ grandchildren. It should be an all-consuming passion to get our kids to know that God is good and God cares and God acts in our lives. WE should be consumed with teaching our kids that God loves them . . . that Jesus died for them . . . and that faith matters!
If we believe that God can act in our lives . . . if we’re convinced that God has acted in our lives . . . and if we’re committed to putting God as the central focus in our lives . . . then our kids/grandkids will pick that up. They’ll learn to trust in God because they’ve seen that we have learned to trust in God.
Can you make the commitment to put God first in your family and relationships?
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