A lot of people think of the characters in the Bible as people who lived in a different time that have nothing in common with us today. While it is true that the characters in the Bible lived in a different time there are still a lot of things that people in the Bible have in common with us today and that includes having really dysfunctional families or as I like to think of them: there just regular people with Krazy Kinfolk!Take Jacob's family for example. Jacob has thirteen kids. Okay, that's not too dysfunctional but those thirteen kids had four different mothers. Additionally, Jacob favored one son over all the others; the other brothers sold him to slavery and told their father he was dead. Oh and did I mention that to celebrate this family, ‘we’ turned it into a hit Broadway musical.
Today we continue with another story of dysfunction from the book of Genesis beginning in Chapter 24. Abraham declares that Isaac must marry someone like his mother. So he sends a delegation to find a woman worthy of his son. Rebekah is discovered and agrees to go upon learning of the great wealth of her father-in-law and husband-to-be. Although the story has it that it was like love at first sight. Right?! (Gen 24:61-67)
Isaac was 40 at this time and they would spend 20 years trying to have children without success. Finally she becomes pregnant and it is a horrible pregnancy with twins no less. It was so bad that she hoped she would die. She delivered twins.
Esau was first to be born and then Jacob. The order of delivery is important because it determines inheritance and blessings in the culture of the day – in today’s language we would say that birth order has something to do with personality traits and the like.
Esau was clearly his father’s favorite. He loved to hunt and eat wild game. Esau is willing to sacrifice anything to get what he wants now.
Jacob was clearly his mother’s favorite. He was a farmer. Jacob is always plotting and using others to get what he wants.
Jacob was ambitious and cunning so much so that he “purchased” the birthright of the first born from his brother (Gen 26:29-34). What is the birthright? According to Deut. 21:17b the birthright gave the first son a double portion of his father's inheritance. So, a bowl of stew buys a third of Abraham’s estate – not a bad deal.
As our story continues, famine hits the land and Isaac must move his family to survive. While traveling, Isaac uses a trick he learned from Dad and tells everyone his wife is his sister. Additionally, Isaac’s wealth caused a great deal of trouble in the community as he used his wealth as a means to control people.
Is any of those starting to sound familiar? It’s like a bad soap opera re-run.
Now Esau got married, but his parents did not approve of the marriage and it caused great strain in the relationship with his parent’s – especially his father. While that is going on, Mom plots with Jacob to take something else from Esau as Jacob already had the double portion of the inheritance. (As a side, do you think that Mom’s drive for wealth had anything to do with how their marriage started?) Jacob now steals his father’s blessing and does so through deception and help from his conniving mother.
To recap: Sibling Rivalry, A Marriage based on a false story of love, a
marriage rooted in wealth, a marriage arranged to please a father, a family habit
of deception and lies, parent’s who use favoritism as a practice for raising their
children, and a mother who connives and tricks her way into getting what she
wants for her children.
And yet, once again, God uses a completely dysfunctional family to provide us
an all so important picture. A picture of God’s blessing.
What is the blessing? Why is it so important to our children or us as adults?
There was a very important spiritual part of this blessing as the blessing was handed down to each generation through individuals. God used the blessing to identify His line of people through one family until the coming of Christ (remember the genealogy in the Christmas story?). This blessing clearly identified God’s sovereign choice, but it also had a distinctively personal component to it.
The Old Testament Blessing had 4 distinct elements to it:
1. A Meaningful touch
2. A Spoken Message
3. Attaches High value
4. Pictures a Special Future
Perhaps you can now begin to understand why Esau has such anguish when he does not receive the blessing.
Words mattered then and they still do today.
A father’s blessing, or a parent’s blessing, does not carry the same financial and spiritual importance as it did in the past, but it is every bit as relevant to our lives and to our children. The blessing goes beyond unconditional love it is the approval you give your children for who they are not for what they do but for whose they are. Spoken or written words at least give the child an indication that he or she is worthy of some attention.
We all have witnessed or been a part of a coach that constantly chewed out the best athletes. Those players will often say, "Boy, I wish the coach would get off my case." While other teammate reply, "Don't say that, at least coach is talking to you. If he ever stops talking to you, that means coach has given up on you."
Words mattered then and they still do today.
There are countless stories of children traveling in a rush to try to make it their parent’s death bed in hopes of hearing the words "I love you … you did good … I’m proud of you …”
Words mattered then and they still do today.
In our story when Esau does not receive the blessing it leaves him trapped and trying to earn the blessing. Esau even chooses to marry another woman in hopes of gaining his father’s acceptance.
We hear this story and think – Wow! Those people are really dysfunctional. The problem for us is that too many of us our living without the blessing in our lives and as a direct result so are our children. Here is why that is such a problem: People that live without the blessing become other than that which they were designed to be – just like Esau. They become:
Seekers in a lifelong quest for meaning and fulfillment
Shattered in troubled over missed blessing - suicidal
Smotherers their reaction is to suck the life out of those they are closest to by smothering. They self fulfill when rejected by others that are burnt out by them
Angry – never forgive parents and are often distant in any current relationships
Detached – once burned – twice shy. They protect themselves from being hurt again
Driven – I will get the blessing by “Earning it” -workaholic
Seduced – look for it in all the wrong places
How do we break this cycle of dysfunction in our lives and in our families … or for that matter in our church?
A family blessing for today begins with (2) meaningful touching (a hug, a special touch, a sign). It continues with a (1) spoken message of (Words matter – don’t wait ‘til the end). It then moves to a message of (3) high value, (move beyond the cliché speak in words that matter to your children) that includes a (4) special future that is pictured for the individual being blessed (give your children HOPE) and a future. All of this is based on the (5) active commitment to see the blessing come to pass in the individual.
Parents it is never to late to begin (it will take time). Your children should never have to earn your blessing. CAUTION: inconsistency in the past can make a person unwillingly to believe your words in the present. That is why the active commitment is so hard and important. Help break the cycle:
Spouses bless your spouse. Remind them that you love them and our committed to being with them – for better or worse.
Children bless your parents by honoring them.
Parents give your blessing to your children - young and old they need it
Church be a blessing to those that come in our doors:
People don’t need a place to try impress others with virtue and good deeds. People don’t need a place filled with fake smiles and words of platitudes. People need a place of acceptance and blessing.
Finally, if you have never received a blessing and for those living as adults without the blessing you can receive the blessing of your heavenly father – God.
Receive this blessing that God wants to give to all His children:
God loves you just as you are. God will give you knowledge and wisdom. You will receive understanding for God has been storing up wisdom for you because you have sought Him above all else. God will be your shield and your bodyguard. He will preserve your way. For He who has begun a good work in you, will complete it.
A prayer for you:
God, You have called us by name and blessed us
You have loved us as we are believing we are yet to become all that we can be
Help us to receive this blessing and order our loves such that
Our words might become your words as we seek
to love and bless our family, spouse, our children, our friends, and our church.
We ask this through the name of Christ, AMEN
Concepts for this message come from The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent.
You can order of copy of the updated book here.
There is also a workbook for individuals here.
This was the second in a series of messages:
Krazy Kinfolk – You think your family has trouble?
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